


i can hardly speak

by mydefaultisgay



Category: Crier's War - Nina Varela, Crier's War Trilogy - Nina Varela
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, College AU, F/F, Modern AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:21:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26436340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mydefaultisgay/pseuds/mydefaultisgay
Summary: Ayla is midway through a chapter in her textbook when she hears someone clear their throat, the delicate sound coming from above her. She glances up and it takes her a moment to register the face of the person who has rudely interrupted her half-hearted attempt at studying, their head slightly obscuring the fluorescent lights on the ceiling.It's the girl from yesterday. The one who crashed into her. She's smiling, the force lifting up the muscles in her face tamped down by the sheepish glimmer in her eyes. "Hi, is this seat taken?" The girl gestures to the chair beside Ayla.Ayla doesn't answer, just squints at the girl.
Relationships: Crier/Ayla (Crier's War)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 26





	i can hardly speak

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this months ago, a short time after reading the book, but life got in the way and i never got back to it. but after i finished IRON HEART i decided to continue this fic. i hope you enjoy it!

It's the middle of the first semester of her second year in college, struggling but somehow managing to keep her scholarship and working extra shifts to cover all her other expenses. Her days drag on like an overplayed routine, exhausting but familiar. She's on her way to meet up with Benjy at the library, which is one of the more favorable parts of that routine.

In all honesty, books are not really Ayla's thing. Sure, she likes to read, loves to learn, but reading feels like a chore most of the time. Why she spends so much time inside the university library perplexes Benjy so much that he keeps bringing it up. She gives him the same answer each time: _It's quiet, and the AC works in here._

If Benjy doesn't mind staying inside the dingy and cramped apartment that they share with Faye and her sister other than to sleep there, that's his problem. For Ayla, she doesn't want to have a goddamn heatstroke in the middle of the day and she also wants a break from the noise.

So, in the library, she stays.

In between classes? Library. After her early morning shifts at her crappy food service job? Library. Sometimes she's there in the evenings until the librarian has to shoo her out with a stern frown.

She steps inside the university library and the chill and the smell of books blanket her instantly. Ayla lets out a sigh of relief. Her mood lightens, and she makes her way to her usual spot.

Like everything in her fucked up life, the relief doesn't last.

A stack of books crashes right into her, breaking the spell, the books falling to the floor with a thud made louder by the silence of the library. Ayla can feel eyes on her and faintly hears the librarian shushing, then everyone goes about their business again and Ayla is left clutching her chest with a groan. The impact hurt a bit.

"I'm sorry. Oh my god, I'm so sorry."

Ayla looks up and is met by the sight of wide eyes looking at her with the most panicked and apologetic expression anyone can muster, or _fake_. The culprit, a girl who is slightly taller than Ayla, has to duck to meet her gaze. Her warm gold eyes flick to where Ayla's still holding on to her own chest.

"Are you hurt? I'm _really_ sorry, I wasn't being careful," she says.

The apology sounds so sincere, so genuine. It's as if she wants Ayla to feel sorry for _her_ instead, Ayla thinks bitterly.

Ayla's about to ignore her and leave, but she catches sight of the stack of books the girl had carried, which are now scattered across the floor. The girl is so intent on her show of contriteness that she seems to have forgotten about them.

Before her brain can convince her otherwise, Ayla crouches down and piles the books together. Stupid. _Stupid_.

"Oh, you don't have-"

"Shut up."

The girl does. Probably too shocked by Ayla's harsh tone to respond or protest any further. She joins Ayla and helps stack all her books into a new pile. When it's done, the girl picks it up and they stand at the same time. Before the girl could say anything like thank her or apologize again, Ayla starts walking away from her as quickly as possible, vaguely aware that the girl is staring after her.

* * *

The next day, Benjy joins her in the library after lunch, as per routine. He's working on a problem from one of his classes, biting at the end of his pencil with a deep frown on his brow.

Ayla is midway through a chapter in her textbook when she hears someone clear their throat, the delicate sound coming from above her. She glances up and it takes her a moment to register the face of the person who has rudely interrupted her half-hearted attempt at studying, their head slightly obscuring the fluorescent lights on the ceiling.

It's the girl from yesterday. The one who crashed into her. She's smiling, the force lifting up the muscles in her face tamped down by the sheepish glimmer in her eyes. "Hi, is this seat taken?" The girl gestures to the chair beside Ayla.

Ayla doesn't answer, just squints at the girl.

"It's not," Benjy cuts in. _Why does he have to be fucking nice all the time?_ "Why, are all the other seats taken?"

Benjy's tone wasn't accusatory, or rude, just curious. But the girl still flusters.

"I...um...It's- I don't want to sit by myself."

Ayla narrowed her eyes more, suspicious.

"Oh, okay. You can take it, then. It's just the two of us." Benjy offers her a grin.

The girl nods and smiles back, gingerly placing her stack of books (seriously, who needs that many books?) on the table before sitting down. Ayla looks away and decides she can't be bothered to argue.

"My name's Benjy, by the way."

"I'm Crier."

"Cool name." Ayla does not have to look up to know that Benjy is flashing his winningest smile at the girl. Idiot. "Nice to meet you, then. This is my best friend Ayla. She's usually not cranky like this. Probably had a rough day at work this morning."

"I'm right here, you know," Ayla mutters without looking up.

"Sorry again about yesterday," Crier tells her. It came out like a whisper, but loud enough that Benjy can probably also hear her.

Ayla fights the urge to roll her eyes. _Apology accepted, you can leave now_.

Before she can think of something equally dismissive but less rude, Benjy chimes in. "Wait, you two know each other?"

"No," Crier replies instantly. "We- I bumped into her. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going and I was carrying a lot of books so."  
Benjy gives Ayla a pointed look, as if he wants to admonish _her_ and not Crier who is clearly the one at fault here. She spares him a look of her own. _What?_

"Well, I'm sure Ayla here doesn’t hold grudges. You do carry a lot of books. Research?" And just like that, Benjy has effectively pushed the matter aside. He's always been better at dealing with social situations.

"You can say that," Crier says. Benjy, intolerably friendly and charming as he is, asks her more. Crier is more reserved but seems as eager to answer his questions, telling him that she's studying Anthropology and that she's currently trying to prove one of her professors wrong on a disputed matter they had in class.

"Baller move, challenging Kinok like that. Heard he's a terror. I'm sort of a rebel myself too, you know."

This time, Ayla does roll her eyes. "Don't listen to him, he's an idiot."

Crier chuckles, but stops herself when Ayla turns to her. She notices how Crier has moved her chair to widen the space between them a bit, but still close enough that Ayla can smell her perfume, or is it her hair? Something mild, with a hint of sweetness, like a cool breeze or a well-tended garden. Ayla stops herself before she outright sniffs the air to catch more of the scent.

She frowns, more to chastise herself than to Crier, but the other girl doesn't know that. Crier's smile falters a bit at the sight of Ayla scowling and turns her gaze back to Benjy.

"How about you? What are you working on?"

"Oh, just, y'know, something," Benjy raises her sheet of paper to show Crier the dizzying evidence of his failed attempts. "Can't seem to crack this equation."

"Can I take a look?" asks Crier.

Benjy shrugs and offers her the paper. "Sure."

Crier takes it, long and elegant fingers holding the slightly crumpled sheet. Curious now, Ayla watches as Crier pores over the thing. Her brows are slightly furrowed, eyes moving frantically up and down, like she's scanning Benjy's messy handwriting, searching. Moments later her gaze finally fixes on one spot and starts to worry her bottom lip with her teeth in concentration. Instantly, and without meaning to, Ayla's eyes dart towards the movement. She tries to look away but-

"Can I use your pen?" Criers says to her abruptly.

Ayla hands Crier her pen wordlessly and as soon as she has it, the other girl starts writing over Benjy's notes.

"Hey, what are you-"

"She's helping you, obviously," Ayla cuts him off. He looks skeptical, but he doesn't stop her.

Crier looks confident by the time she's done and hands the paper back to Benjy.

"Wow, you- how did you-" Benjy looks up, smiling widely at Crier. "You said you're an Anthropology major, how did you solve a complicated equation like this so quickly?"

"My father insisted that my education should be as well-rounded as possible so he got me tutors on almost every subject since I was very young. It's just something I've picked up." Crier shifts in her chair, self-conscious, like she doesn't want to talk about the matter anymore. Whether it's about her dad or her tutors, Ayla doesn't know. Or she could just be trying to seem modest, Ayla thinks.

"Lucky me, then. This would've taken me another hour. Thanks."

"It's nothing," Crier says before picking up a book from the stack she carried with her. The three of them fall in companionable silence, Ayla and Crier buried in their books and Benjy scrolling through his phone, his work done.

Nearly an hour later, Crier starts to put her stuff back inside her bag.

"Done already?" Benjy's tone is teasing.

"Not even close, but I have somewhere to go," Crier tells him. Ayla hears rather than sees her re-stack her pile of books, refusing look up from her own textbook even though she's paused from reading.

"See you, then. Join us next time. We could be study buddies, the three of us."

Usually, Benjy's easy friendliness endears him to her, but now she's starting to change her mind.

"Uh, I-" Crier hesitates. "Okay, yes. I'd love that."

Ayla looks up by then, just a moment before Crier turns to leave. She nods at Ayla, looking a bit shy again, almost making Ayla feel guilty about not being as genial as Benjy, but that just doesn't come naturally to her. And there is something about Crier that just makes her want to pretend she doesn't exist, something uneasy and unbalanced. It's ridiculous, Crier's virtually a stranger.

Ayla manages to nod back at Crier anyway.

One last tentative smile and a wave towards Benjy, and Crier finally leaves.

Ayla glares at Benjy.

"What?" he says.

"Study buddies? Really? If you want to keep flirting with her, you didn't have to drag me into it as well. "

Benjy snorts. "I wasn't flirting with her," he says, incredulous. "I mean, she's really pretty, but I really wasn't. I was just being nice. She said she didn't want to sit by herself, and you saw how she helped me with-"

"If you invited her just so you can exploit her and make her your own tutor, I swear to god Benjy-"

"What? _No_." His voice was loud enough to earn a pointed _shush_ from the librarian. Benjy mouths an apology before turning back to her. "Like I said, I was being nice. Also, she seems cool."

Ayla scoffs at that. "From the sound of it, she's probably just one of those privileged daughters of pretentious rich folks, with the tutors and all that."

Benjy doesn't say anything for a few moments. She almost takes it as him dropping the subject, but then he talks again.

"Are you seriously mad at her for bumping into you? By accident?"

"Of course not."

Benjy gives her a calculating stare for moment. "Then I don't see why she shouldn't sit with us again next time."

She sighs but doesn't protest.


End file.
